cook/curry.md
... ...
@@ -26,20 +26,20 @@ Adjust the number and type of chilis depending on how hot you like it. 4/0 is wh
26 26
### Method
27 27
28 28
1. Peel the ginger and roughly chop. Use a spool to peel it. Cool, huh?
29
-2. Peel the garlic.
30
-3. Remove the stem bits from the chilis.
31
-4. Shove the ginger, all the chilis (seeds included - no messing about) and garlic in a blender with a bit of water and blend to a paste. Transfer that dangerous shit into a bowl before it dissolves the blender blades.
32
-5. Put the tinned tomatoes in the blender. Give the button a few hits - you want a bit of texture left. Put the resulting slop in another bowl.
33
-6. Chop that onion you crazy bastard.
34
-7. Grab a pot and throw in the chopped onion and oil. Fry those tasty bits of onion fairly slowly 'til they're translucent.
35
-8. Chuck all of the spices and salt in with the onions, and give it a bit more frying time. Smells good doesn't it?
36
-9. Add the chili/ginger/garlic paste to the onion and stir until it's venting noxious fumes.
37
-10. Keep stirring and add the tomato puree.
38
-11. Add the tinned tomato slop.
39
-12. Stir some more.
40
-13. Turn the heat down and keep the concoction simmering until you get bored or the anti-terror squad come round looking for a chemical weapons factory - the longer it simmers the better it gets. Add water if/when it dries out.
41
-14. Turn the heat off and let that nonsense chili out for a while.
42
-15. Once it's safe(r) to handle, spoon it into freezer bags and freeze it. You can use it straight away if you want, but it's maybe 20% more panic-inducing after it's been frozen. So do that.
29
+1. Peel the garlic.
30
+1. Remove the stem bits from the chilis.
31
+1. Shove the ginger, all the chilis (seeds included - no messing about) and garlic in a blender with a bit of water and blend to a paste. Transfer that dangerous shit into a bowl before it dissolves the blender blades.
32
+1. Put the tinned tomatoes in the blender. Give the button a few hits - you want a bit of texture left. Put the resulting slop in another bowl.
33
+1. Chop that onion you crazy bastard.
34
+1. Grab a pot and throw in the chopped onion and oil. Fry those tasty bits of onion fairly slowly 'til they're translucent.
35
+1. Chuck all of the spices and salt in with the onions, and give it a bit more frying time. Smells good doesn't it?
36
+1. Add the chili/ginger/garlic paste to the onion and stir until it's venting noxious fumes.
37
+1. Keep stirring and add the tomato puree.
38
+1. Add the tinned tomato slop.
39
+1. Stir some more.
40
+1. Turn the heat down and keep the concoction simmering until you get bored or the anti-terror squad come round looking for a chemical weapons factory - the longer it simmers the better it gets. Add water if/when it dries out.
41
+1. Turn the heat off and let that nonsense chili out for a while.
42
+1. Once it's safe(r) to handle, spoon it into freezer bags and freeze it. You can use it straight away if you want, but it's maybe 20% more panic-inducing after it's been frozen. So do that.
43 43
44 44
### Deploy
45 45
cook/rice.md
... ...
@@ -3,24 +3,24 @@
3 3
Serves 1. Scale accordingly.
4 4
5 5
1. Buy some rice. Basmati rice.
6
-2. No, that stuff won't do, it has to be basmati.
7
-2. Get about half a builder's mug (80g) full of it and put it in a seive.
8
-3. Wash that shit.
9
-4. Keep washing it.
10
-5. More washing.
11
-6. That should do it.
12
-7. Drain off the excess water.
13
-7. Put 3/4 of the same mug's worth of cold water (155g) in an saucepan that you have a reasonably tight-fitting lid for.
14
-8. Put the rice in the water.
15
-9. Add some salt. Couple of pinches. About 1/8 tsp.
16
-10. Put that watery rice on a highish heat. Maybe a medium heat, something like that. 9 out of 14 on my induction.
17
-11. Wrap a teatowel round the pan lid. Tie it up at the top to stop it turning into a crazy rice towel inferno, but not too tight.
18
-12. When the water has boiled down to the top of the rice, put the heat down as low as it'll go, and put the lid on. 2 out of 14 on mine.
19
-13. Leave it alone. Do not remove the lid.
20
-14. Seriously, leave that fucking lid on.
21
-15. 15 minutes after you turned the heat down, turn the heat off.
22
-16. After 10 minutes, it's good to go.
23
-17. Fluff with a fork, serve.
6
+1. No, that stuff won't do, it has to be basmati.
7
+1. Get about half a builder's mug (80g) full of it and put it in a seive.
8
+1. Wash that shit.
9
+1. Keep washing it.
10
+1. More washing.
11
+1. That should do it.
12
+1. Drain off the excess water.
13
+1. Put 3/4 of the same mug's worth of cold water (155g) in an saucepan that you have a reasonably tight-fitting lid for.
14
+1. Put the rice in the water.
15
+1. Add some salt. Couple of pinches. About 1/8 tsp.
16
+1. Put that watery rice on a highish heat. Maybe a medium heat, something like that. 9 out of 14 on my induction.
17
+1. Wrap a teatowel round the pan lid. Tie it up at the top to stop it turning into a crazy rice towel inferno, but not too tight.
18
+1. When the water has boiled down to the top of the rice, put the heat down as low as it'll go, and put the lid on. 2 out of 14 on mine.
19
+1. Leave it alone. Do not remove the lid.
20
+1. Seriously, leave that fucking lid on.
21
+1. 15 minutes after you turned the heat down, turn the heat off.
22
+1. After 10 minutes, it's good to go.
23
+1. Fluff with a fork, serve.
24 24
25 25
OR
26 26
cook/roast-broccoli.md
... ...
@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
1
+# How to roast broccoli
2
+
3
+### Ingredients
4
+* A head of brocolli or some fancy tenderstem or whatever
5
+* Olive oil
6
+* Salt n pepper
7
+
8
+### Times
9
+* 20 min roast. Maybe a bit less.
10
+
11
+### Method
12
+1. Oven to 180 fan
13
+1. If it's a head of brocolli, split into florets. You want these fairly thin.
14
+1. Stick the broccoli in a bowl, and oil them up till. Don't be shy.
15
+1. Salt liberally. Again, don't be shy. Underseasoned broccoli is a crime.
16
+1. Put the broccolis on a parchment lined baking tray.
17
+1. Roast for maybe 20 minutes. Maybe less. Maybe shake them about after 10 mins.
cook/roast-carrots.md
... ...
@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
1
+# How to roast carrots
2
+
3
+### Ingredients
4
+* Some carrots. Probably the wee fancy ones, but cut up big carrots work too
5
+* Olive oil
6
+* Runny honey
7
+* Salt n pepper
8
+
9
+### Times
10
+* 30 min roast covered
11
+* 15 min roast uncovered
12
+
13
+### Method
14
+1. Oven to 180 fan.
15
+1. Stick the carrots in a bowl.
16
+1. Get some olive oil on them.
17
+1. Add a squeeze of honey.
18
+1. Salt liberally. Pepper too.
19
+1. Stick them in a baking tray.
20
+1. Cover with foil.
21
+1. Roast for 30 mins.
22
+1. Uncover, and Roast for another 15 mins.
23
+1. Chuck them down your neck.
cook/roast-chicken.md
... ...
@@ -2,30 +2,35 @@
2 2
3 3
### Ingredients
4 4
* A 1.5 kg chicken
5
-* A lemon
5
+* Some butter
6
+* Clove or two of garlic
7
+* An orange
6 8
* An onion
7
-* 2 carrots
8
-* A bunch of thyme
9
+* A bunch of herbs
9 10
* Olive oil
10
-* Chicken stock (I use a [Stock Pot](https://www.knorr.com/uk/knorr-products/stock-pots/chicken-stock-pot.html) - I'd avoid stock cubes for this).
11
-* Some flour
11
+* 500ml chicken stock
12 12
* Salt 'n' pepper
13 13
14
+### Times
15
+* 1:30 Roast (baste every 20min)
16
+* 20 min rest
17
+
14 18
### Method
15
-1. Oven pre-heated to 170 fan. Or whatever the equivalent is for your weird oven
16
-2. Chop up the carrots into about 1cm discs
17
-3. Chop the onion into 8ths or thereabouts
18
-4. Throw the carrots and onions into a roasting tray
19
-5. Cut the lemon into quarters and shove up the chicken
20
-6. Throw the thyme in there too
21
-7. Slather some olive oil all over the chicken with your hands
22
-8. Salt and pepper the chicken
23
-9. Put the chicken on top of the carrots and onions
24
-10. Stick the chicken in the oven and leave it there for an hour and a half
25
-11. Take the chicken out of the oven and out of the dish, and leave it to rest for 15 mins on a board, dumping out any juice into the pan
26
-12. While the chicken's resting, get the roasting pan on some heat and add a tablespoon of flour to the mess
27
-13. Stir that crazy action till the flour's all dissolved
28
-14. Chuck the chicken stock thing and 250ml of boiling water into the pan
29
-15. Stir and scrape around in the pan for a bit, let it reduce until it looks like what you think gravy should look like
30
-16. Strain into a pouring device of some type
31
-17. Serve
19
+1. Oven pre-heated to 180 fan. Or whatever the equivalent is for your weird oven.
20
+1. Chop the onion into slices.
21
+1. Line a roasting tray with the onion slices.
22
+1. Slice the garlic up quite thin.
23
+1. Shove some butter and the garlic under the skin at the top of the chicken.
24
+1. Cut the orange into quarters and shove up the chicken.
25
+1. Throw the herbs in there too.
26
+1. Slather some olive oil all over the chicken with your hands.
27
+1. Salt and pepper the chicken.
28
+1. Put the chicken on top of the onions.
29
+1. Pour the chicken stock in the pan.
30
+1. Stick the chicken in the oven and leave it there for an hour and a half.
31
+1. Baste the chicken every 20 minutes.
32
+1. Take the chicken out of the oven and out of the dish, and leave it to rest for 20 mins on a board, dumping out any juice into the pan.
33
+1. Chop up and serve.
34
+
35
+### Gravy
36
+Fuck making gravy with the pan juices. Just buy some from sainsburys.
cook/roast-potatoes.md
... ...
@@ -2,18 +2,30 @@
2 2
3 3
### Ingredients
4 4
* However many Maris Piper potatoes you want to eat
5
-* Some olive oil
5
+* Quarter tsp bicarbonate of soda
6
+* 6 tbps fat or oil
7
+* 3 cloves of garlic
8
+* Some rosemary
9
+
10
+### Times
11
+* 10 min boil
12
+* 1 hour roast
6 13
7 14
### Method
8
-1. Oven on - fan 180
9
-2. Put a roasting pan in the oven to heat up - big thick ceramic ones work best, but whatever
10
-3. Get peelin
11
-4. Cut up the potatoes into roast potato sized bits
12
-5. Stick the potatoes in a saucepan and cover with cold water
13
-6. Bring the water up to the boil and let it simmer for a few minutes. Maybe 3.
14
-7. Drain the potatoes and shake 'em about a bit to make the edges a bit fluffy
15
-8. Put about 3mm of olive oil into the hot pan
16
-9. Put the potatoes into the pan and roll them around to coat them in oil.
17
-10. Into the oven for an hour, turn them every 15 min or so.
18
-11. Put them in a bowl lined with kitchen towel to soak up the oil a bit
19
-12. Serve
15
+1. Oven on - fan 200.
16
+1. Chop the rosemary up pretty fine.
17
+1. Put the fat/oil in a wee frying pan.
18
+1. Crush the garlic into the oil and add the rosemary too.
19
+1. Fry the garlic/rosemary gently until the garlic goes brown.
20
+1. Strain the oil into something. Keep the garlic/rosemary.
21
+1. Peel those potatoes and chunk them into a size you like.
22
+1. Get a big pot boiling.
23
+1. Throw the potatoes and bicarb in. Salt heavily. Boil for 10 mins.
24
+1. Drain, and bang them around to mess up the exteriors. Let 'em sit and dry out.
25
+1. Put the potatoes and fat into a big bowl.
26
+1. Stir it all arund till you get a kind of oily mashed potato thing going on on the outside of teh potatoes.
27
+1. Chuck the potatoes in a tray and roast for an hour. Flip them every 20 mins.
28
+1. Serve, with the garlic/rosemary sprinkled on top.
29
+
30
+### Credits
31
+This is the Kenji method from Serious Eats.
cook/sea-bass.md
... ...
@@ -1,14 +1,14 @@
1 1
# How to cook sea bass fillets
2 2
3 3
1. Buy some sea bass fillets.
4
-2. Marvel at how little fish you get.
5
-3. Take them out of the plastic wrapper.
6
-4. Dry the skin side with some kitchen towel.
7
-5. Stick a decent glug of olive oil in a frying pan. Garlic infused olive oil works well.
8
-6. Get the frying pan hot. Medium heat. Should be smoking a bit.
9
-7. Lay the fish skin side down on the pan. The skin will stick instantly if you're using a steel pan. This is OK. Do not panic. Do not attempt to move the fish. Everything will be OK.
10
-8. Treat the minor burns you are receiving from the oil spitting everywhere.
11
-9. Spoon the hot oil over the fish. Keep doing this. All the time.
12
-10. After about 6 minutes the skin should be browning and crispy and will have released itself from the pan. I told you it was going to be OK.
13
-11. *Carefully* remove the fish from the pan and place skin side up on some paper towel.
14
-12. Serve. Hope you made some potatoes or [rice](rice) or something.
4
+1. Marvel at how little fish you get.
5
+1. Take them out of the plastic wrapper.
6
+1. Dry the skin side with some kitchen towel.
7
+1. Stick a decent glug of olive oil in a frying pan. Garlic infused olive oil works well.
8
+1. Get the frying pan hot. Medium heat. Should be smoking a bit.
9
+1. Lay the fish skin side down on the pan. The skin will stick instantly if you're using a steel pan. This is OK. Do not panic. Do not attempt to move the fish. Everything will be OK.
10
+1. Treat the minor burns you are receiving from the oil spitting everywhere.
11
+1. Spoon the hot oil over the fish. Keep doing this. All the time.
12
+1. After about 6 minutes the skin should be browning and crispy and will have released itself from the pan. I told you it was going to be OK.
13
+1. *Carefully* remove the fish from the pan and place skin side up on some paper towel.
14
+1. Serve. Hope you made some potatoes or [rice](rice) or something.
cook/yorkshire-puddings.md
... ...
@@ -1,20 +1,20 @@
1 1
# How to cook yorkshire puddings
2 2
3
-Use [this pan](https://www.lecreuset.co.uk/four-cup-yorkshire-pudding-tray) if you can.
3
+Use [this pan](https://www.lecreuset.co.uk/four-cup-yorkshire-pudding-tray) if you can. It's good.
4 4
5 5
### Ingredients
6 6
This is for 4 roast-sized ones.
7 7
* 70g flour
8 8
* 2 eggs
9 9
* 100ml milk
10
-* Neutral oil, probably sunflower
10
+* Neutral oil. Not olive.
11 11
12 12
### Method
13
-1. Get that oven hot - fan 210
14
-2. Flour goes in a bowl
15
-3. Beat in the eggs with whatever you normally use to beat eggs
16
-4. Beat some more and add the milk gradually
17
-5. Put a wee drip of oil in each tray divot - not much mind
18
-6. Get the yorkshires tray in the oven to heat up
19
-7. Take the pan out and as quickly as humanly possible pour a quarter of the batter into each divot then slam that bad boy back in the oven
20
-8. Should take 20, maybe 25 mins
13
+1. Put a wee drip of oil in each tray divot - not much mind
14
+1. Tray in oven
15
+1. Get that oven hot - fan 230
16
+1. Flour goes in a bowl
17
+1. Beat in the eggs with whatever you normally use to beat eggs
18
+1. Beat some more and add the milk gradually
19
+1. Take the pan out and as quickly as humanly possible pour a quarter of the batter into each divot then slam that bad boy back in the oven
20
+1. Should take 20, maybe 25 mins