Love thy defaults.
Nobody cares about your rainbows and emoji ZSH prompt customisation. Nobody. Your Ansible PR has been refused.
Do less to do more stop yourself looking like a bellend.
Thou shalt use the infrastructure.
We both know you couldn't implement Paxos if your miserable life depended on it. Stop writing ridiculous code you won't understand in a week's time. Put that shit in zookeeper, or a database, or whatever.
Thou shalt use the OS.
If it'll fit in two lines of grep, sed, and awk, then do that. If you need more power, break out split and xargs -P. Use flock. Use mktemp. Your bullshit multi-threaded Ruby abominations are your problem. Don't make them mine.
Thou shalt always check last mod times.
You sure that's the right file? Fuck me, are you even on the right host?
Thou shalt not blame DNS.
Despite what the Interwebs told you, it's not DNS.
And for the love of god use dig. nslookup is for very small children and Principal NodeJS Developers.
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Thou shalt respect the sanctity of stdout.
If your app has nothing to say, then it should shut the fuck up. Logs do not belong on stdout. Ever.
Thou shalt only use UTC.
These servers could be on the fucking moon for all I know. Don't make me convert your no-timezone-not-quite-ISO8601 log timestamps during a fucking outage. Not again.
Those who email screenshots of PuTTY sessions shall be destroyed.
What the fuck is wrong with you?